How do i begin this? It is already too difficult to talk about you using words like ‘Was’ when i really want to say ‘is’ and ‘Would have been’ when my heart whispers ‘Would be’.
This is absolute insanity. How one minute you are here, vibrant, happy, excited about all the work you have mapped out for 2013. How you stayed cheering me on, telling me how you admire me, how you want to be there to help, you stoop low enough till I can hop on your back and bear my weight on your shoulders, regardless of the luggage you already have on yours.
Isn’t it ironic how everyone hated you for this and that, when all you ever wanted to do was entertain them. What’s sad? They still have something bad to say even in your absence. I am sad! You were here before me, and when i stepped my skinny legs in this wicked place to explore my music, You were one of the few out doing something different. You stood out like yolks stand out of egg whites.
How you handled this evil, self-centred, ‘I-have-only-bad-things-to-say’ people for as long as you did is what baffles me.
You exhibited such strength, such outstanding emotional stamina that it seemed like you could do all wrong in their eyes and still stand, here, entertaining us from the bottom of your heart.
We had a conversation to finish Goldie! Remember? Now i feel like i would never be able to tell you what really happened contrary to what everyone thinks. I remember the last time i saw you, you were so mad at me for not telling you about me leaving the Label. And with good reason too! You hooked it all up didn’t you? So Goldie. Always ready to help. Sad when your friends are sad.
You said to me ‘Ehnnn? Eva you are not signed? Isssaalie! Are they blind? Let me talk to —- for you sharp sharp. He just got this new deal mehhnn, you must rock it oh. I won’t stop disturbing him till he signs you.’
And off you went! You took it upon yourself to make sure your friend asked me to sign with his label. And how so stupid I was not to have told you first the minute shit hit the fan. I hope the little I was able to explain to you was of any good. (sigh)
All that is gone now.
Even you are gone. Life is Crazy.
I am grateful today, that I had the pleasure of working with you Goldie boo, traveling, touring, doing shows with you. I loved you from day one! Fresh into the university and without a clue what I wanted from life, there you were on my TV screen doing what most women didn’t dare. Even I didn’t understand you at first.
But I understood this one fact ‘You were YOU!’ And it hit me right there. I finally realized what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be me. ME! Without a care in the world what ‘they’ say as long as I am me. No compromise.
You didn’t just inspire and motivate me, you have kept me here.
If it wasn’t a phone call to find out if i was okay, it was a BB message to make me laugh my heart out.
My Dear Goldie, My sister, My friend…. I cannot ever answer the question why but I know that God never works without purpose. So i am not going to ask why either.
I am going through a lot right now, this is one of those times we would have had a BB conversation and you would have put my worrying mind at ease. But then I think about it, like you always noted, ‘I haven’t even scraped the surface of what you have’.
All the times you cried and carried the pain in your heart like an artery, all the times you thought about giving it all up and let your tears flood up your pillows like rain, they didn’t see that. Yet the little they saw they hated. They mocked. Their shallow minds could not comprehend it. 95 per cent of these are the same who have turned around now in your passing to offer words of kindness that you longed for while you were here. Haha !isn’t it amazing how they suddenly see how creative your videos were? Nwannem! Odikwa very strong tin!
Hmmmm….
You are gone now my love, as much as it kills me to type that out, I have to face it. If you are sitting on the right side of God our father, please beg him and intercede on my behalf while I Pray. As I go through the sort of things that you did, as I struggle to become somebody my parents are proud of, as I face this wicked place and its wicked people all by myself, as I say Goodbye to Friends who have become Foes overnight, as I stand in the midst of people who hate me for no reason and take it upon themselves like a day job to bring me down, intercede on my behalf dear Goldie. May the Lord answer my prayers…the same sort you prayed while you were here.
Thank you for letting me into your world even for a short time. What great blessing it is to have known the real you, the soft, kind-hearted, always-ready-for-a-good-laugh beautiful girl that you were.
I’m too sad.