IN SEARCH OF THE TRUTH: Kevin Onuchukwu’s Friends Speak.

The search for truth is in one way hard and in another way easy, for it is evident that no one can master it fully or miss it wholly. But each adds a little to our knowledge of nature, and from all the facts assembled there arises a certain grandeur.
— Aristotle
It is on the premise of Aristotle’s words above that I write this piece today and I dare say it is a story worth telling. When Ogo’s story broke online last week, (You can read it here if you missed it) its contents assaulted our collective consciousness, evoking reactions that ran the gamut of every conceivable human reaction. It was a big deal, because the contents brought to the fore the evil practice of domestic violence/abuse and its dire consequences.

This was the “TRUTH” for many of us, after all no one countered the allegations. As expected, many hurled invectives and harsh pronouncements and curses on the husband (who would blame them, the story was baaaad and inhuman), whilst some called for caution, because this account was “One Sided”. Adding salt to injury then was the expected rejoinder from Kevin written by one Barrister Nnenna; the contents seemed self serving and did not provide the clarity we sought to at least allay the animosity most people felt towards the guy.

So I reacted the only way I knew how; I BLOGGED. Little did I know that blogging on the issue would bring me to this point of involvement. To the point that an old friend from my Uni days kamoore* who is involved somewhat with the family, via work and also having been neighbours for years; overhead someone mention my name in relation to a blogger’s post on the issue and Alas!. To cut a long story short, she ended up calling me and the result of that long conversation is this Email trail that I have reproduced here in the hope that it gives us an understanding of the issues. It came up in the course of our conversation; I asked to see it and she sent it. After reading it, I knew it had to be shared because this was another SIDE OF THE STORY , this was what Kevin and Ogo’s friends knew as the TRUTH and therefore I felt people had a right to read it, because we had all become involved. After getting her permission to share it this morning, I was then good to go.
I must point out that for me, this is not about absolving Kevin of complicity in Ogo’s death or blaming him either, it’s just a case of offering a balanced perspective on another side of the story. Much as I detest the sentence of “Death by Marriage” that Ogo’s story painted. I never paid Kevin no mind and from the get go left him to his conscience and God; because truly like I have said repeatedly, only 2 people could ever tell us what went down (KEVIN and OGO) and of course The Silent Witness “The Holy Spirit””; so why crack my brains about what should and what shouldn’t have been. Ogo was dead and we owed it to her to make sure her Story was not someone else’s anytime soon if ever.
*Please note that I have chosen to expunge Email addresses and names to protect the privacy of individuals and participants on the Email trail
—– Forwarded Message —–
From: “**********@yahoo.com” <***********@yahoo.com>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2012 8:07 PM
Subject: Fw: My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
Nene,
it was nice talking to you after such a long time. God has been good to us and preserved us.
Ogochukwu’s death hurts! Why? Because, after all the treatments, the multiple surgeries, we all thought the worst was behind them! We rejoiced and still do as children of the most high God.
God alone knows the truth, but all I can say is that the Kevin that I know, did his best for his dear wife. His right to mourn her has been violated. He has been accused, judged and condemned in the court of public opinion. How do you defend yourself in such a situation? A well crafted story that tugs at the emotional heartstrings. A fabricated story of lies and half truths, centered on domestic violence (something we all are repulsed by…even those who indulge in it! LOL). Nene, have you ever been lied against? I t has happened to me Nene, and trying to tell my own side of the story was a nightmare. Nobody believes you because there is “no smoke without fire”. People generally lose their sense of reasoning when it comes to emotional issues. Such is life. My view of life is that of “glass half full”! I always give evryone the benefit of doubt.
This circus, reminds me of the Lord, when he was betrayed, accused and crucified. Innocent but he did not open his mouth.
Kevin has not written a rebuttal as far as I know. The Barrister lady stated some of the facts that are known to us but I think she tried to hard and ended up sounding off??? She had good intentions but sometimes, no at all times, we much lean on the Lord for direction. At the right time maybe Kevin will tell his own side of the story. As for me, I will not judge Kevin, because after 15 years of working with him and following their journey since they got married, with all confidence I will say that he is innocent of the accusations. Was there in-law wahala? Most likely. In our culture interference by in-laws on both sides is not strange.
Moreover, who are we to judge? All of us sinners saved by Grace.
My prayer is for healing and mercy for all concerned. For God’s mercy triumphs over judgement! They are new everyday, even today!
Ogo was a great wife to Kevin. A wonderful mother to Kamsi and Amanda. Her death will not be in vain, if we could focus on the underlying and proven cause of death, the anesthesia that was administered for what was termed a minor surgery. We all know that once general anesthesia is administered for surgery, it is no longer minor. Did anyone review her medical history? What precautions were taken? So many questions! I wish we had all the answers! It is well!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld from Glo Mobile.

From: “***********” <***********@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:08:43 +0000
To: ***********@yahoo.com>
ReplyTo: ***********@yahoo.com
Subject: Fw: My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
********
Sent from my BlackBerry

From: “********” <********@exxonmobil.com>
Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2012 08:29:45 +0100
To: ***********@yahoo.co.uk>; *******@yahoo.com<******@yahoo.com>; *******<********@exxonmobil.com>; ******<*********@exxonmobil.com>; ***********@exxonmobil.com>; ***********@exxonmobil.com>; ***********@exxonmobil.com>; ***********@exxonmobil.com>; UPST-PROD-MPN-WESTAREA-ALT-MEMBERS<[email protected]>
Cc: ***********@yahoo.com>; ***********@yahoo.com>; ***********@yahoogroups.com>
Subject: RE: My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
This is wicked and it went on to show how wicked people could be. My take in all this is that someone is out on smear game for God knows why ??????. Let look at this issue critically, there is no perfect human / relationship by extension marriage on this earth. Issues should not be blown out of proportion for whatever reason. We should all support and stand by this family at this time of grief. To borrow from the word of Udobong Ntia ‘’ Let’s continue to make our own marriages work, and let the dead, bury the dead”. Thanks
***********
From: ***********[mailto: ***********@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: Monday, March 26, 2012 4:33 PM
To: ***********@yahoo.com; ***********
Subject: Fw:
Please share trailing emails
From: ***********@gmail.com
Date: Mon, 26 Mar 2012 05:20:31 +0000
To: <***********@yahoo.com>
ReplyTo: ***********@gmail.com
Subject: Fw: [abbaamerica] My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
***********
You wrote very well, in defense of a friend.
I agree with you about the underlying issue (bad igbo culture) and Kevin carrying the financial burden like a husband should. I remember when he went bankrupt and the Union had to compel XOM management to make an exception for him.
I also receive certain pressures about my not having a male child (from outsiders and not even my father’s family), but I tell them God has blessed us and if I will have a son I will and if I won’t, so be it. That I know many great men of old whose names still resound to this date and who have left imprints on the world, and who don’t even have ANY offspring. I am sure *********** receives same, so I have to continually assure her that I didn’t go to school to be ignorant.
Anyways, I know there are two sides of a story and I know the story was designed to wreck Kevin’s reputation. if only the creator of the website left opportunity for comments.
If the story was an exaggeration or mis-representation of the truth and if designed to malign, then it is a wicked act.
Thanks for being the first person to give another perspective to the sad, troubling story.
Chinedu
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.
From: ***********@yahoo.com>
Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2012 12:52:12 -0700 (PDT)
To: ***********@yahoo.com
ReplyTo: ***********@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: [abbaamerica] My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
—– Forwarded Message —–
From: ***********@yahoo.com>
To: ***********@me.com; ***********@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, March 25, 2012 5:47 PM
Subject: Re: [abbaamerica] My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
Fred, its the very same Kevin. I got the below email from you this morning and I thought it was bizarre. I was so disturbed by it that it messed up my entire morning at church. I struggled to reconcile the Kevin I know with the message from the email. I hope you will give the this email the same mass distribution appeal as you did when you sent this to me
First off, I’ll try to portray the Kevin I know and let you be the judge (if you are comfortable judging another man).
I think the rhetoric should be refocused on the issue of medical malpractice which we suspect ended Ogo’s life, may her soul rest in peace. There is nothing to suggest that Ogo died from abuse, wife battering or neglect as the email proposes. I don’t claim to know Ogo and Kevin more than the writer of this email, but it seems spooky to me that Ogo would be speaking from the grave for a relationship she lived in and never blurted these issues or I don’t think she would have wanted her matter in the public domain. Its hard for me to see the stock value in the vitality of these insinuations. I’ve tried to learn something out of it and the only common denominator is the allusion that the Ibo culture needs overhaul. We all can agree to that. Evidently the writer has some insider information or access to a Ogo’s journal but I think this is invasion of privacy by another party which quite frankly is not lawful
You see, Ogo had a medical condition (not sure if it was pre-existing) and Kevin never supported his wife being attended to in-country because of the peculiar and delicate condition of the ailment (I’ll keep her ailment confidential if you don’t mind). A week before she passed away, as the email mentioned, he sponsored her trip to the UK, as any husband should do, and she had to go in for a follow up procedure. He was hesitant to the choice of a Lagos hospital, but Ogo insisted the doctors asserted it was a simple procedure, it would just take a couple of hours. What she was not told was that anesthesia administration on a condition as hers was going to be very delicate. Unfortunately, Ogo never made it out of anesthesia. I challenged Kevin and encouraged him to sue for medical malpractice for negligence and so on. A grief-stricken Kevin told me that the line of action I suggested would not bring his wife back to life. I told him we would wait until Ogo is laid to rest and we will embark on the enterprise of bringing the rogue doctors in
On the issue of the car, I was in Houston in Jan 2010 when he went looking for a Lexus RX 450 for his wife, a hard to find model of the RX series at the time. He searched high and low, hired a car consultant to take the wife out on numerous dealership visits to get the car of her dreams to his loving wife. Kevin also planned to sell the much discussed car below long before her surgery. I’m amazed why we cannot give Kevin the benefit of the doubt as to his intent to selling the car. Was he going to buy her another one? He had demonstrated that he was capable of buying one already so why is selling one a big deal? I trust that no one is in doubt that he did not plan his wife’s demise to sell the car. Let’s be clear that she died of improper anesthesia administration, not abuse, neglect or battering
I stayed with Kevin for two weeks at his invitation at their Houston home before moving to a hotel. I moved out of my own accord not because there was battering in the house, or things I was not comfortable with. In fact being in the house afforded me the opportunity to see how Kevin reacted to his kinsman when one of them insulted Ogo. His nephew, evidently still struggling with life in a cosmopolitan school in the US and having a home he could have three square meals, had not performed some basic domestic activity such as cleaning up after yourself in the house. I watched how Kevin reined in his kinsman and totally disciplined him for insulting his wife. I am also aware how Kevin went against the dictates of his kins men when his special-needs son had to be home-schooled. The son was not settling in well in the facilities in Houston and Ogo had determined that living with her sister in Lagos was the best option. Much to the chagrin of his kins men, Kevin fully supported Ogo’s preference and sent his son to Lagos. If that is not standing up for your spouse in the midst of extended family adversity, then I don’t know what else is. If you understand the Ibo culture, you will agree that was a bold step in severing the line with your brothers if you have to tow a “woman’s line”. Its tragic that Kevin is being put on the dock for the generational Ibo culture that has been unkind to women folk. I will like to separate both issues…Ibo culture and Kevin’s role in Ogo’s death. Its not news that Kevin sometimes had to borrow money for his late wife’s treatment overseas, pay out of pocket expenses for her treatment when they lived abroad. All these things are not great exploits, because a man is supposed to do these things anyway. What’s hard to believe is if you will do these things for someone you don’t love. The Ibo culture pressures on boy-girl battle of the sexes and second-fiddle nature of wives who have almighty God-arranged delayed-child bearing is legendary and have been the subject of several home videos. Let’s not put Kevin in the dock for these sins of our fathers
If Kevin was a wife batterer or abusive, then both of them did a pretty good job of concealing the matter for the time I was there. Only the walls of the bedroom and God will ever know the truth. And if he was abusive and a wife-beater, I would suggest to him to repent quickly of this wicked way and seek God’s mercy. Its the lowest of men who put a finger on their wives. As for the insinuation that he skipped his girl-child christening because he was angry, I would say that I don’t know, I was not there, and I don’t think the writer of the email was too. What I do know is that everyday Kevin returned from work, Amanda was the first person he went for before eating his plate of beans…every single day. And Ogo was really pleased he was doing that. Was he staging it for my benefit, I am not his god and did not see any reason for a father not to truly love his kid
In summary, its hard for me to reconcile the facts of the below email with what I know of Kevin. I know the email has really gone viral with at least 5% of the Nigeria population receiving it on their blackberry over the weekend. Whoever orchestrated this viral effort, I’d like to hire the person to help me spread the gospel of Christ with as much fervency. Gossip thrives in the public space but the bible says we should not judge a matter until we have heard the other party. Its unclear if Kevin with put out a rebuttal of the below email, I think its unnecessary and the young man should be allowed to mourn his wife and lay her to rest. He is currently calling for tributes to his wife to be published on the day of interment. If you have anything nice to say about Ogo, that will be a good avenue to portray it rather than try and demonise a grieving husband. This is totally wicked. Again, I am not absolving Kevin of any wrong doing, but there are issues in any husband-wife relationship and as the email suggests, Ogo dearly tried to make it work. Let’s continue to make our own marriages work, and let the dead, bury the dead.
Written by a Kevin’s friend, Udy Ntia
Udy Ntia
Sent from my BlackBerry
From: “Ntia, ” <**********@exxonmobil.com>
Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2012 16:21:46 +0100
To: ‘***********@yahoo.com'<***********@yahoo.com>
Subject: Fw: [abbaamerica] My Story: Ogochukwu Onuchukwu – A woman shares her story from the grave
Msg Class:Unclassified
Regards
***********
***********
Sent from Blackberry
 
I dont know what to say…May her soul rest in peace….
 
Culled From Osaspointofview.