Open Letter To All ‘Mad’ Nigerians By Tofarati Ige

It’s the season of open letters and everyone is busy airing their thoughts. – You need to take your time to read this!

Dear Mad Nigerians,

I am not one to jump on bandwagons, but in this case, I would have to go against one of my unwritten rules, and copy the likes of the ex-President of this great nation; the sitting 

President and a former Senator of the Federal Republic (I believe you know the people I’m talking about).

This is my message to you all.

First, you may be reading this letter thinking that it does not concern you because you’re not MAD! Because you are properly dressed, can operate a Blackberry or Android phone, you think that makes you sane?

Or simply because you have a job, a family, take care of your responsibilities, and you don’t talk to yourself? Do you really think that qualifies you as not insane?

Well, I don’t blame you, because I also used to think that way. I used to think I was a normal boy with no mental illness whatsoever, but thank God, I’m wiser now. I’m proud to say I’m a MAD Nigerian! After all, they say the first step to healing is to admit that you’re sick.

Many of you are MAD but don’t know it. Pardon my bluntness, but ya’ll are sick in the head.

One of the characteristics of MAD men is that they often do things that go against logic and reasoning, and most of the time, they don’t even know that they’re mad. As a matter of fact, they believe that it is others that are mad. 

Many of you go to churches and mosques and still go against what they preach. Because you’re MAD!

Only a MAD man will pray to God before (or AFTER) defrauding another person. In this country, it is not unusual to see MAD people praising God because they just got a bank alert that the cheque they got fraudulently has cleared.

What about the mentally deranged men and women who traffic hard drugs? Those ones fast and pray before ingesting the banned substances.

Their MADNESS has made them unable to think correctly that the God they so shamelessly call, stands only on the side of the righteous and upright. A lot of MAD people steal, lie shamelessly, fornicate and run to church the next day singing choruses at the top of their voices. Because of their MADNESS, they think this means that their sins have been forgiven. How absurd! 

Dear Mad Nigerians, have you ever wondered why it seems we only get mad leaders? It’s because people always get leaders that are like them; since we’re MAD, our leaders must also be…

The other day, one man came attempting to rule a failing nation of over 150 million people. The nation was on the brink of collapse; every sector had gone practically comatose, and yet the only manifesto of this man was that HE HAD NO SHOES while growing up.

What kind of people will be inspired by such a mundane claim to vote him in as President, in the 21st century no less? Your guess is as good as mine: only MAD people.

Only MAD people will lynch and burn suspected thieves to death on the streets for stealing ordinary N100, yet they cheer when the thieves who loot billions, drive by.

MAD people are very gullible, so they believe anything.

Only a MAD person will buy just two cars for over N255m; in a country where wretchedness reigns supreme.

Recently, in this country of MAD men, a controversial pastor was arrested by the police on allegations of ritual killing. A member of this pastor’s church confessed that it was the pastor that sent him to kill the girl and get her excreta for ritual purposes.

Fine, the pastor is not guilty until he has been pronounced so by a competent court of law, but it is striking to note that when this pastor was released on bail and got back to church (full of mad people, of course), he raised this prayer point, “God will use your shame to announce you. If you want that to be your portion, come forward now with your special seed.” Choi, we have suffered in this country!

If it was in other climes where there are sane people, the pastor wouldn’t even meet anybody in the church! But in this country of MAD men, a lot of the MAD people were even struggling with themselves to be among the ‘lucky’ few that would drop their offerings. Meanwhile, this same MAD people will not spare ordinary N50 for a beggar on the streets.

Instances abound where clerics would sleep with their MAD members with the promise of fruit of the womb..

You may wonder, don’t this MAD people read their Bibles at all that they would be so deceived and preyed upon by vampires in cassock?

One of the numerous consequences of this ugly development is that many have stopped and some are considering stopping churches altogether.

It is unfortunate that we have now confused RELIGION with MADNESS. We do a lot of things, thinking we are RELIGIOUS, yet we are only showing signs of MADNESS.

If it’s any consolation, this MADNESS has spread to other parts of the world.

Just last week, a South-African pastor had asked his congregation to eat grass, and like the MAD FLOCK that they are, they started devouring grass as if it were rice and beans.

Please don’t talk to me about FAITH, because that’s not what this is. You resume at your job every day, but don’t put in your best. You just while away the time simply because the boss is not your relative. Yet you pray for promotion, and rush to drop generous offerings when pastors call for prayer point. When you do this, you’re not exhibiting FAITH, you’re just showing us that you’re MAD. God deals with process, and the Bible says, “No food for a lazy man.”

In writing this letter to you Dear Mad Nigerians, I am not offering any panacea or solution. 

We shouldn’t kid ourselves about being a righteous Bible loving people, we are all a bunch of pretentious, MAD hypocrites.

We are obviously not righteous; for we wouldn’t be one of the most corrupt nations on earth if we were.

We have turned ordinary human beings into gods all in the desperate quest for miracles. Because of the poor situation of things in the country, many have lost belief that their hard work can fetch them anything. That is why they would jump up in frantic excitement when the pastor declares that they would get things they do not merit. Everybody wants to be millionaires without working for it, and they think God will help them achieve that.

Sorry, even if you’re MAD, God is not. Repent before it’s too late!

Tofarati Ige is a poet, singer and rapper. 

He’s the author of two books (ORIKI (PRAISE POETRY) 

and TOWN CRIER). He is also the News Editor of E24-7 MAGAZINE.

*It is a season of open letters,why dont you try your hand at writing one for history’s sake?